The worst thing in the world

Today's picture is slightly clever, even if I say so myself. It took quite a bit of setting up, but that's okay because I was angry at the time, and I needed to channel my rage into something. It was either: kick Clinton, next door's ugly cat; totally trash my bedroom (but that would have meant tidying up afterwards); or build a complicated model shot for a photo for my blog.

Look closely at the picture. You might think that's a full-size toilet with a person sitting on it, but it's actually just a miniature and the person is an Action Man. Or it would be if I had one. Instead, it's a Shrek doll from Poundland which I painted pink so it would look like a real person.

The picture, of course, illustrates the worst thing that can happen in the world. Desperate for a dump, you plop yourself down and go about your business. Soon there's a sigh of contentment at a job well done, and the icing on the cake is the ritual wiping of the rear.

What a comedown then to find that the bog roll's run out and there's nothing else to hand. This is what happened to me this morning. The only explanation is that the previous occupant was far too lazy and selfish to replace it for the next one in the loo.

And who committed this heinous crime? It has to be my sister, Nadine. Arrgh! She's the pits! She drives me stark, staring bonkers she does! Gnnnhhh!

Now that I've got that off my chest, it's time to paint Shrek green again so that I can flog him on eBay. Watch out for it. I'll be listing it under: 'Shrek doll, as featured on my brilliant, popular blog'.